Ghosted?

Read this before you text back

When did people become so disposable? Short answer—they didn’t. Long answer, well, that’s more complicated.

Attention – Modern Day Currency

We all know that the average attention span is barely longer than a gnat’s. We’re beyond instant gratification. We’ve eclipsed it into a culture that expects our wants to be anticipated before we’re even aware of them.

Isn’t that what Apple did? No one knew they needed a handheld phone, let alone one with a camera, a video recorder, and a mini-computer processor. Before it existed, those were four separate products. But now that it does, along with a myriad of other features and functions, we can't imagine our lives without it. And the expectation grows from there.

Being ghosted doesn’t just happen to people in their 20s and 30s, nor is it limited to dating apps or the “figuring myself out” era. I’m referring to men and women of all ages. Mortgage-paying, lawn-mowing, putting their recycling bins at the curb the night before—adult human beings executing the same disappearing act you’d expect from someone barely out of high school. 

Ghosting isn’t an age thing. It’s a behavior thing. A chronic one. Unfortunately, universally common.  

It starts with attraction and attention. Slips into great conversation and deep connections. Hinting at vibing energy and a promising future. Then poof. 

One day, you’re in mid-flow, mid-flirt, maybe even mid-fantasizing about where this is going and sending the next text. Then nothing. No reply. No text back. No low-effort emoji. Worse if you’re able to see they read it and set you aside. Intentionally not responding.

You’re left with silence. Staring at your phone.

Did I say the wrong thing? Did I overplay my hand? Did I miss something? Did they die? Or worse, get abducted by aliens that don’t believe in Earth’s technology, even as advanced as Apple has made it?

Nope.

They just decided out of the blue to move onto a new attraction and attention source without notifying you. We’re living in a time where attention is currency. If you don’t keep someone’s dopamine spiked, then you’re out. But there are ramifications.

Ghosting doesn’t just hurt. It chips away at our self-trust. Because it felt real to us and that it was going somewhere real and long-term. Then, they vanish, making us question our judgment. Our gut. Our radar. Our ability to read people. It makes us mull over every damn line we sent back and forth across that magic phone that connects people and worlds, oceans apart.

It leaves us suspicious of everyone thereafter. Even the good ones who wouldn’t think of ghosting. It forces us to look for hidden meanings where there aren’t any. We brace ourselves for underlying agendas that keep us from going all in like we did before. A bit of self-preservation should the ghosting happen again. But this time, we’re prepared and a bit more insulated. Over time, we become cynical and skeptical of authentic connections if the ghosting pattern repeats too often. Which it might and often does. 

The Haunting – And the Audacity

As any good person knows, ghosts don’t stay gone forever. They reappear when we least expect it. Especially after we’ve reconciled with the fact that they are out of our lives for good. Having moved on with the knowledge that the aliens have them now—good riddance. Yet, ghosts haunt familiar grounds. Yours.

“Hey.”

Wow, really? Such low effort it can’t even be counted as effort.

“Hey you.”

Slightly better. Did the aliens help them come up with that?

“Hey stranger.”

This one especially frustrates me. We weren’t strangers before, so why start with that now? Does it even ever work? 

“Miss you.”

This is my all-time favorite. They blame us as if we chose to walk away. As if the aliens knocked on our door and asked if seeing, talking, or texting with someone who has potential and whom we can a potential future with means a vote off of the 3rd rock from the sun to go live with them instead.

Newsflash: The aliens didn’t knock on our door. We didn’t ghost. They did. So how can they say miss me? And for Pete’s sake, use “I” in front of that emotion. I miss you. Own that shit if they’re going to come haunting back.

The Queen Level Reaction – Self Care is Real Care

What do you do after you’ve cussed them out to your girlfriends or guy friends? And slightly gotten over their audacity to even reach out. Like what in their right mind made them decide today was the day to send that riveting text expecting me to throw them a Welcome Back to Earth party?

It’s obvious their source of attraction and attention fizzled out. Now they’re scrolling through their phone looking for “retreads” or “options.” You being one of them in their mind. Wrong, babe.

Here’s what you’re going to do:

After you spill the tea to your friends. 🫖

You’re going to straighten your crown. 👑

Sip something sparkling. 🍸

Remember who the hell you are! 💅🏻

Then grab your phone and do one of the following. 📱

Top 5 Queen Level Responses – Protect Your Throne

1.     The No-Response. (My favorite).

They let you stew. Left you high and dry without a second thought. Not that I’m one to champion being a petty b*tch because I’m not. We’re above that behavior. It doesn’t serve us. Hopefully, you’ve made peace with the alien abduction, so when the spaceship dumbs his or her ass back on Earth, in your backyard after finding out they aren’t worth it, we’re not a recycling center, we don’t take used canned goods either.

No response is a response because you owe them nothing. They ended it, walked away, and stopped talking. Let your silence ring. You have a queendom to run.

Now, if you must, and I hear some of y’all chomping at the bit, ready to tell me why you need to respond, so I've got you covered.  

2.     The Power Move:

“I’ve shifted my energy. All the best.”

This reflects pure enlightenment that will leave them wondering. However, they are not entitled to answers, even if they text back the question. It demonstrates that you have moved on. You will not, and have not, entertained such behavior from others who came after them. There is no hate, hard feelings, or second thoughts. You’re sending good vibes out into the universe for this person because karma is cosmic. What goes around eventually comes around. You want to be on the receiving side of the goodness you are spreading.

3.     The Accountability Message:

“Why now?" Or, if you want to sound a tad less bothered, “Interesting how interest returns.”

The latter will leave them confused, and a follow-up text will be imminent. You're not outright accusing them but holding them responsible because they didn’t reach out to address their behavior. They didn’t say, " Sorry, I shouldn’t have ghosted, " or, " You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry. " This reply gives them nowhere to hide and forces them to face the timing part of the ghosting. And it hits the hardest with zero follow-up necessary on your part. Like a beautifully gift-wrapped truth bomb.

4.     The Fiery Roast:

“Oh, I thought you died.” Or if death is bad juju, then “Look who’s back. Tell a friend.”

It’s playful. You’re curious. You know they should be dead to you and yet they’re not. It’s the right mix of snark and accountability. You see them, BS and all, but it leaves the door open for them to tell you why they stopped communicating or what happened. It’s humorous enough to keep it light and see where things go.

5.     The Snarky Snark:

“I’d miss me too.” Or if you’ve moved onto another person, “First Name didn’t miss.”

It is what it is. You want them to burn. Like you did, for however long you did. It’s probably not the healthiest as it allows the potential for a back and forth dialogue that they are not entitled to but if you must, this is an option. Beware, they could ghost again before you finished watching the fire. It’s a risk if you’re desiring the reward.

There are a few more that come to mind, but you get the general gist.

The After – Crown Entacted

In the end, ghosting stings, regardless of how insulated you think you are. It bruises our egos and hurts our feelings. What you do after the ghost tries to haunt hallowed ground is completely up to you.

In truth, people ghost for a myriad of reasons—social anxiety, avoidance, distraction, boredom, ego, poor emotional hygiene, etc. None of those reasons are yours to fix.

We all want reasons why it happened. Closure. Understanding. But in actuality, you don’t need them. If they were able to discard you and your feelings so easily, you dodged a messy relationship bullet. Let the aliens have them.

You’re deserving of genuine connections, emotional depth, continuing communication, and sizzling chemistry. You deserve the magic that accompanies your queendom. Just ensure your response is worthy of your throne.✨