The Decisions We Delay

Why do we say no to ourselves and yes to everyone else

Everyone does this. That’s what I used to tell myself. Not true. Not everyone—that’s an exaggeration—but MOST people do this. And we get frustrated with them for it, forgetting that we're also struggling with the same lack of discipline, motivation, avoidance, or fear of not moving forward, of not taking action on something we know we should. Something that needs to be dealt with, figured out, or decided. 

Sometimes it’s a simple task by most standards. Call your doctor to book the appointment. Get the children’s haircut. Not difficult and easily done. Or larger tasks like going shopping for school supplies or comparing home insurance coverage. These are necessary but often boring or things we keep putting off rather than dealing with. They are not important or life-altering enough to justify postponing them. 

The truth is, we rarely avoid what’s hard because it’s time-consuming. We avoid it because it threatens to alter something we've carefully kept intact. A pattern. A title. A relationship. A story we’ve told ourselves that may have been true at some point in our life, but is no longer.

We like to tell ourselves we’re thinking it through. Giving it time. Being deliberate. But we’re not. We’re stalling. Hoping that if we wait long enough, the need to decide will vanish. Hoping someone or something will intervene and relieve us of the burden of making the call ourselves.

It rarely works that way.

Hard Decisions Aren’t Hard Because We Don’t Know What To Do. They’re Hard Because We Do

At some point, if you’ve lived long enough and paid attention, you begin to realize that the truly difficult decisions aren’t the ones where the options are murky. They’re the ones where the answer is clear, but the consequences feel heavy, painful or downright scary

Leaving the job.Ending the relationship.Walking away from something you once prayed for.Choosing to prioritize your needs over someone else’s wants.

These aren’t decisions we struggle with because we don’t have enough data. Often times we do. We struggle with them because we’re not sure we’re ready to deal with the impact on our lives. AKA the fallout. Not just the reaction from others but what it might say about us. What it might expose. What it might unravel.

Most of us would rather stay in a life that fits poorly than risk stepping into a space where nothing is guaranteed. Even when the answer is obvious, we delay. We talk ourselves into staying one more week, month or season. Giving one more chance. Such as waiting until after the holidays.

Until after the next review cycle. Until we feel more certain or more brave or more broken. Whichever comes first.

We Avoid Hard Decisions Because We Were Taught to Keep the Peace

Especially as women, we are taught that harmony is the highest virtue. That keeping the peace is more important than upholding our truth. Making a decision that might disappoint someone else, especially someone who means a great deal to us, is often perceived as selfish, dramatic, or uncaring.

We master the subtle art of delay. We defer, diminish, and distract ourselves with other tasks that make us feel productive without addressing what truly calls for our attention. We overfunction in one area of our lives to justify paralysis in another. Meanwhile, we remain stuck between who we’ve been and who we could become if we ever found the courage to choose her.

It’s not indecision. It’s fear masquerading as responsibility.

We don’t want to hurt anyone. We don’t want to disappoint. But often, the person we disappoint most in the process is ourselves. And that bruise doesn’t show up right away. It builds quietly, like resentment, burnout, or that gnawing sense that something is off, even when everything looks perfectly fine on paper.

The Decision Itself Is Rarely as Painful as the Avoidance

Eventually, you make the decision. You send the email. You have the conversation. You do the work. You draw the line. You choose yourself. And within minutes, hours, days, you feel it. That quiet agreement. That internal alignment. The noise in your head goes silent for the first time in a while.

Because the truth is, the most exhausting part wasn’t the decision. It was carrying the bag of emotions of not making it. The invisible pressure of walking around with a bunch of possibilities and pretending you hadn’t already decided, when deep down you had.

It never truly gets easier.

The stakes shift.

The players change.

But the tension before you finally act is always there. The only difference is your ability to endure it. To see that indecision is its own kind of suffering. To realize that delaying the hard thing doesn’t make it go away; it just delays it and allows its power to influence you in the meantime. 

And that’s not why we’re here.

We’re Not Meant to Stay in the Waiting Room of Our Own Lives

Eventually, you have to do the things you are meant to do. Say yes or no with full conviction. Even if your stomach is swimming with nerves. Your body sweats at the thought of doing it. Even when your whole system physically warns you against it.

Because hard decisions don’t reward you in the moment. They don’t throw you an attaboy for doing what you need to do. They don’t hand you a “good job” certificate with a smiley sticker on the corner. No. They just open a door. Quietly. A door that you’re meant to walk through, even if you have to leave behind something or someone that you once loved. They let you wield the power now instead of it being lorded over you.

Always remember this: you can mourn what you left behind, what you gave up or sacrificed. You might question whether you waited too long, should have taken action earlier, or wish you had already moved on. But you don’t have to get caught up in that back-and-forth struggle and debate with yourself about acting or not. That powerful moment has finally passed because you made a choice.

You knew. You’ve always known that you needed to act. You were just waiting for the braver version of yourself to get fed up enough to say f*ck it. Enough is enough. And decide to do the thing.

Now you can bask in the feeling of how good and proud you are for having addressed it and gotten it done. Box checked. Now celebrate!

If you've ever delayed a decision you knew needed to be made, I’d love to hear how you ultimately made it because everyone wants tricks and tips that resonate.